


Dark Thoughts

by Little_Miss_Lazy_Writer



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Oneshot, Reader Is Not Frisk, Self-Harm, don't read if tiggered, maybe more? - Freeform, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:35:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Miss_Lazy_Writer/pseuds/Little_Miss_Lazy_Writer
Summary: The reader was having a really bad day, losing a battle against her mind when Sans finds her and comforts the reader.(Trigger warning; Mentions of self-harm, depression. Please don't read if you are triggered)





	Dark Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me writing out my thoughts. I am Okay, just have a few days where I lose the battle but not the war. And a new found of love of writing helps me do that. If you want help, there are always resources if you need them <3 Stay Strong
> 
> I was feeling down and stressed out, so I wrote a little comfort fic.
> 
>  
> 
> Also will probably stay a one shot. Though I suppose it's up to you if Sans and reader get together romanticly.

_You’re not good enough… they all hate you…_

Thoughts like that ran through my mind, beating down whatever self-esteem I had left, making me a hollow, broken shell of who I once was. I know my memory was wrong. I am good enough, My friends Like me but any logical, rational thoughts I have is being brushed aside in favour of the dark, irrational beliefs that have taken over.

I let out a sigh, hanging my head low in my hands. “Why do I even bother” I spoke out loud, choking back a sob, as I stare at the floor holding back the tears that threatened to fall.

I feel nothing but worthless, nothing but a waste of space. I feel numb all over but also feel an overwhelming sadness all over, racking through my body as I sink more onto the cold tile floor. The one reminder to tell me that I was… Alive.

As If I was in a dream, I sat up again, looking at the sink and the set of drawers beneath it. I know that is where I keep my razor for shaving… though maybe this time I wouldn’t use it for that purpose.

I didn’t know how long I was there, just staring at it, crying slightly, letting the hot tears fall freely down my face before I made a move for it. I opened the drawers somewhat as I could, trying not to make much noise as anxiety bubbling up inside me, my breath quickening and feeling a tightness in my chest that wasn’t there before.

I reached in, grabbing the razor and closing the draws trying to be as quiet as when I opened it. My hands were shaking as I did so. A slam noise came from the draws as my hand slipped from the handle. It wasn’t loud, but it seemed loud as the sounded echoed in the quiet room.

 

_You Idiot! Can’t even do that right! You Stupid, STUPID GIRL,_

 

I flinched at the words inside my head and shifted as far I could away from the sink, my back towards the door to my original spot, clenching the razor handle in my hand. This, this would make it better… Bleed the negative feelings out. Keep them silent for another day.

But I had to make it so it wouldn’t be visible... My arms and wrists were a no go then. I looked at my legs… Maybe my thighs would be a safe spot.

 

_Everyone would know, you only ever wear short shorts, you slut. You're an attention seeker._

I shook my head. Nope Not the legs, I pulled up my shirt, revealing my fat stomach. Here I would cut… here…

And So I did. I bought the razor across my skin again and again in fast strokes, not feeling anything at first but the cold metal before the stinging pain set in as droplets of crimson liquid leaked.

 

_It stung. Oh, soo. Good._

 

I slashed, again and again, bring up more angry lines until the adrenaline rush kicked in, taking away the pain.

“I’m Home” A familiar voice sang out, making my heart jump out of my chest making me Stop what I was doing as I stayed still as a statue as the sound of my heartbeat and my loud breathing was all I could hear.

 

**Sans was home.**

 

“Y/n? “ he called out. “Are you home?” He said walking around the house. I could hear his footsteps walking about the house.

“Um Y-yeah, I'm home!” I cried out, hoping I didn’t sound as shaky as I felt, “Just in the bathroom” I hope he would leave it at that, thinking it was just human things. Like what happens once a month. I’ve never known him to be pushy beyond just asking that question.

I heard him drop a few bags before he walked closer to the bathroom.

“You Okay? You sound Funny, everything Alright in their pal?” He spoke, much less loud this time since he was outside the door now. I looked up at the door as my anxiety spiked through me like cold water just crashed into me like a wave as I panicked about the lock.

 

It was locked, but that gave me no relief.

 

He’ll find out, and he’ll hate you for it. He’ll Leave you alone. They will leave you All alone.

 

“Y-Yeah!” I said finding my voice,”Just Human Girl troubles, Nothing for you to worry about Sans.”

'Please leave please Leave Please', was like all I thought, as I hoped my response would satisfy him. Hell, he usually got all squeamish whenever the words “girl troubles” comes up, knowing it was girls having periods and stuff. And honestly who could blame him. It was a gross process but a Natural one.

I heard nothing from the other side. No breathing, no rustling of his shorts or the scraping of his slippers against the floor. Everything seemed deathly quiet as I stared at the white door frame. It was like time had stopped. And for all, I know it did.

Maybe he teleported?

 

_See even he doesn’t want to stick around with your Problems!_

 

That broke me as a new set of tears poured down my face with the newfound vengeance, I covered my mouth and noise holding back the sobs that were trying so hard to escape as I started to break down all over again as I feel myself shatter from the inside.

Just when I thought I had already hit rock bottom, I heard a familiar pop from the outside of the bathroom door to the inside, behind me and I felt my heart drop.

“Just Girl Troubles, hmm?” He spoke through clenched teeth. I could feel his stare burn into me. I didn’t even need to look to see that he has pure black sockets right now. The look he does when he’s mad. Beyond mad. And he was using that stare on me.

 

_He’s mad. He hates you. He HATES you._

 

**HE HATES YOU**

 

I expected him to Leave. To hear another pop but I heard nothing but his heavy breathing as his disappointment lay heavy on my shoulders. Next thing I know I could feel my hand that was holding the razor tingle as his magic took hold making me let go of the death grip I didn’t realise I had on it and tossed it somewhere behind him. Probably somewhere out of my reach and perhaps something I will never see again.

“Why” was all he asked, this time louder than he was before as I heard him take a step closer to me, I forced my head to look down on the groundbreaking my stare from the lock on the door as if it betrayed me.

“He hates you, and He’s mad. HehatesyouHe’smadHehatesyou. He Now has a reason to hate such a Pathetic human. “

 

He is rushing towards me. I expected to get hit, to be punished. I closed my eyes shut tight as I braced myself for whatever was coming, tensing up.

But he was embracing me, holding onto me, pulling me into him, holding onto me so tightly as if I was about to disappear and if he let go I would. “Don’t you ever say that I could never hate you, Y/N.”

It was only then I realised I spoke out loud… I relaxed into his hold, balling into the crock of his shoulder, the only padding was his thick hoodie, but that didn’t matter. And I held on just as tightly to him as he was holding onto me as I cried a wet patch into his shoulder.

I could feel a warm tingle on my side, the stinging of the cuts subsiding and fading into nothing. He was using his magic to heal me. I only cried harder at that.

“Shhhh shhhh….” He cooed in my ear, rubbing my back and gently rocking me. “Let's move elsewhere huh? If that’s okay” he asked.

I didn’t reply, but I nodded, not daring to look at him and just hid my face and shut my eyes tight as he left himself fall backwards with me following through his portal with an oh so familiar pop . and we dropped onto a soft bed that smelled of him… not in a wrong way, just a comfort. I was laying on top of him now in this position but doesn’t mean his hold on me was any less firm.

“You know you’re not alone, right?” he asked after a moment of silence. I can feel him turn his head to look at me as he rubbed my shoulder.

“I guess…” I say mumbled into his shoulder, still not wanting to show my face, feeling more and more embarrassed now. Irrational feeling, probably.

“Well you’re not - hey, look at me,” He asked, squeezing my shoulder with one hand and gently grabbing my chin, gently coaxing me to look at him and he wiped my stray tears on my face.

When I did look at him, he looked so sad, scared almost. It was virtually impossible to read him but this close I could… I could feel my heart break, and I feel even more guilty as I sunk deeper into myself. I made him feel like this. I am the reason he feels like this. If only I were okay.

_Can’t even act right. You are just a stupid damsel in distress. Pathetic._

 

 _Maybe if I wasn’t so broken_. I thought bitterly.

 

“Whatever you are thinking, stop it,” He said thoughtfully, giving me a stern look. It must have shown on my face.

“You are Not Alone, and I will not Leave ” He finished off, looking just as stern as before.

I weakly nodded, turning to look away from him, to hide my red puffy face, but he stopped me, grabbing my chin a little harder and squeezing my shoulder. He let go of my chin and pulled me closer, holding onto me in a full-on hug.

“I have already experienced loss” he paused, choking out a sob from his non-existent throat as I felt the rattle from his ribs vibrate from that moment. ” I will not Lose another Loved one, not if I can help it.”

He spoke with such certainty that it made me feel hope for the first time in a while. I allowed myself to embrace the moment of faith, even if it will be painful later, this is nice. I cried into his shoulder as his hands rubbed up and down my back, comforting me, evening drawing some circles with his finger. Soon enough he asked me why I was doing.. And what else I was thinking.

But I told him, through the tears and him giving me reassuring squeezes as he listened to me ramble on even when I didn’t want too, he wanted to hear it. All of it. And in doing so he reminded me, paps love me (Platonically) and so do my other friends, and told me I wasn’t a waste of space, I was worth a human life. That I didn’t deserve to do what I did to myself… He said this while his hand hovered by my side closest to where I had cut earlier. I suspect there are little to no scars. They were clean cuts, but also it was healed with magic.

I was almost glad about that.

But the more I let my mind wander back as we talked, I wanted to ask a question. How did he… know? Since from all I know he would have left me alone after I told him it was just Girl troubles. ? He didn’t.

“Hey… Um so how did you….”

“Know?” He finished my sentence.

“Yeah…” I say, almost like a whisper.

He shifted to his side, taking me with him like a ragdoll. As if I weighed nothing, “I Looked… at your soul.” He admitted. “It was hurting, and I was .. worried.”

“You looked at my soul?” I suddenly felt more exposed than I ever have in my life, as if I was having one of the dreams where you’re giving a speech and suddenly your naked exposed. No.. it was worse than that. It felt intimate. And now I feel the need to cover up.

He must have sensed this and pulled up his blanket from the edge of the bed and pulled it over me. He looked a little sheepish and a guilty.

“But I was glad I.. Looked,” He said just loud enough so I can hear. A whisper.

“I’m glad you did too even if it feels… personal. Thanks, for.. Helping.” I said just as quiet, knowing very well he can hear. I hid my face as his face seemed to soften at my word into a smile of adoration.

After that we spoke some more, even him bring out his puns once again, making me laugh and giggle. After such a serious talk, seeing him pun again brings joy to me as the dark cloud that had hung over me has been blown away and replaced with a warm, safe blanket of sunshine that was sans.

“Better now?” Did he ask? Looking at me with a gentle smile.

“I am, thank you sans.” And I spoke the truth, he did help, even if I didn’t want help at first.

“Good, cause we are going to Grillby’s, I heard it’s a hot place.”


End file.
